- 1. Definition: Engagement
- 2. Tradition
- 3. Engagement Customs
- 4. Significance
- 5. What Does Engagement Mean Legally?
- 6. Why Do People Get Engaged?
- 7. How Long Are You Engaged?
- 8. Development of Engagement
- 9. Informing Your Employer About Your Engagement
- 10. FAQ: Meaning of Engagement
1. Definition
An engagement is the promise of two people in love to enter into marriage. A couple is considered engaged as soon as both have agreed to marry in the near future. So when the question of all questions "Will you marry me?" is answered with a "Yes," a couple is considered engaged. The engagement lasts until the day of the civil wedding ceremony.
At the latest one year after the engagement, it is time to marry, meaning the wedding should take place within a year.
However, this is merely a recommendation; there is no fixed rule for this. Unlike marriage, an engagement has no legal significance or consequences whatsoever. It is simply a promise between a couple in love to exchange vows in the foreseeable future. Incidentally, it is irrelevant whether the couple is heterosexual or same-sex. An engagement is therefore a firm intention to want to enter into marriage, whether between heterosexual or homosexual couples.
2. Tradition
The origin of engagement lies in the so-called "bride purchase." At that time, women had no say in choosing their future husband. The man would go courting and acquire the woman who pleased him most. In doing so, he negotiated a dowry with the bride's father to financially obtain his future wife. Women were literally "bought" and had no freedom of choice regarding their future regarding marriage. However, it was possible for them to demand compensation if the man did not keep his marriage promise at that time. Arranged marriages still exist in some non-Christian countries today. Even in our progressive times, women are still forced into marriage, regardless of whether they want it or not.
3. Engagement Customs
The most significant and well-known sign of an engagement is the engagement ring. The man gives his beloved – accompanying the question of whether she will marry him – a ring. In a few rare cases, the man also wears an engagement ring. In such cases, couples often choose the rings together. In the classic case of engagement – when a man asks his beloved girlfriend if she will marry him – he surprises her with a ring. Often, the classic solitaire is chosen: a white gold or yellow gold ring with a stone set in the center of the band. Unfortunately, some people still believe that an engagement ring is worn for only a maximum of one year and then placed in the jewelry box. Ideally, however, the wife wears her engagement ring for a lifetime, either alone on the ring finger of her right hand or together as a pre-ring in front of the wedding ring on the ring finger of her left hand. This way, the engagement ring is said to protect the wedding ring.
Classically, however, before the question of all questions, the man asks the bride's father for his daughter's hand. This means that the man first asks the woman's father for permission to marry his daughter. If this is answered with "Yes," the man will ask the woman if she will marry him. He places the engagement ring on her finger, and they marry within a year.
4. What Significance Does an Engagement Have?
The purpose of engagement is a kind of marriage preparation. The couple themselves, as well as family and friends, receive the "message" of the couple's honest intentions. The engagement celebration, which is classically celebrated with family and friends, is a clear signal to those around them that two people in love are serious about each other. Moreover, it is a wonderful occasion to celebrate one's love and have a beautiful celebration. This also answers the question "Should I get engaged secretly or officially?" quite well! An official engagement allows those around you to participate in the love of two people and also better prepares the couple themselves for marriage. After all, what reasons speak for a secret engagement? Even if you must make this decision about your future yourself, it is good to let those around you participate and also prepare them for the marriage.
5. What Does an Engagement Mean Legally?
The so-called marriage promise is a binding without legal claim to marriage. The engagement period is not bound by any deadline and can therefore be easily terminated for various reasons. A wedding is also possible without a prior marriage promise, as there is no legal requirement for it. Strictly speaking, an engagement is legally unproblematic as long as it is maintained or dissolved by mutual consent of both partners.
At this point, we would like to point out that the following legal guidelines are derived from the German Civil Code (BGB). This is not meant to be discouraging. A happy relationship during the pre-marital period and also in the consummated marriage should mean a harmonious time of living together for everyone, without regard to possible contingencies. Separation is only in the worst case an appropriate solution to end such a promise.
Legal Regulations for Engagement
The German Civil Code has addressed this topic and listed appropriate regulations in sections 1297 to 1302 (BGB). According to these provisions, legal consequences associated with an engagement are regulated.
When Are You Engaged?
Many couples often don't even know that they are engaged. Legally speaking, even implied conduct is already an engagement if, for example, an engagement ring is purchased by mutual agreement or if wedding preparations are carried out together.
As soon as the intention is clearly recognizable – this could be the oral or written proposal or also an action aimed at entering into the pre-marital union. There are thus two matching declarations of intent that legally constitute a contract conclusion.
Up to this point, everything sounds very sober and theoretical. Of course, this is not meant to diminish the joy of a harmonious relationship. In principle, an engagement resembles a close friendship. Of course, everyone is free to decide whether an engagement or wedding is performed as a traditional ritual. What is important is that the decision comes from the heart.
6. Why Do People Get Engaged?
At this point, a similar question might arise: "Why do people marry?". Every child already knows it – a proposal on one knee, a loving, joyful "Yes, I do," and finally the crowning glory: a sparkling diamond ring! An engagement is a very beautiful custom that is part of the start of a shared life for most couples. This promise is one of the most beautiful – it is of extremely romantic significance for many people and "simply belongs." But strictly speaking, engagement automatically precedes marriage. For this, it is sufficient that both decide to marry, and nowadays without compliance with any formal requirements. It is different with marriage: here one partner must be 18 years old and the other at least 16 years old. A marriage can also be concluded without the classic engagement with ring, celebration, and all the trimmings. However, engagement itself takes place anyway when both decide to marry.
The time of engagement also gives some couples a kind of reflection period, or better put: a preparation for marriage before taking the legal step of the wedding ceremony. If you consider the divorce rate of almost 40%, you understand the saying "Therefore, let those who bind themselves forever think carefully" even better. In Germany, 349,000 marriages are opposed by 129,000 divorces (Source: Destatis 2024).
Exactly for this reason, an engagement and the associated marriage intentions should be well thought out and only entered into when both partners are truly certain of their decision.
However, let us rather look at the beautiful aspects of partnerships! When love is so great that you can no longer imagine a life without your partner, when you want to share everything – joy and sorrow – and are unconditionally there for each other, a shared life is something wonderful. Being able to trust someone absolutely and to be able to do so is something unique. So it is then a beautiful custom to enter into an engagement and lead a marriage that gives you support. For alongside the many separations, there are also many wonderful marriages that bring forth many happy people.
7. How Long Are You Engaged?
A couple remains engaged until the engagement is dissolved. This happens either, in the best case, through marriage itself or when one of the two partners makes it clear to the other that they no longer wish to be engaged.
The engagement requires no special form, nor does the dissolution of the engagement. On average, many couples are engaged for about a year before they marry.
8. Development of Engagement in Germany
Two decades ago, an official engagement was considered outdated. Fortunately, this has changed, and most engagements are now celebrated in a special way. Another beautiful development is the custom of the engagement ring. This was previously rather a rare gesture from the man to the woman. Nowadays, however, most women can enjoy an engagement ring.
For the ring, as a sign of love, has also become customary in Germany. A very beautiful custom that has washed over to us from the USA and which women in particular are grateful for! As the saying goes: "Diamonds are a girl's best friends."
9. Informing Your Employer About Your Engagement
There is no legal obligation to inform your employer of your engagement. It is up to each individual employee to decide whether and when to make an announcement. It is obvious that it is not conducive to the work atmosphere if the boss learns of your future plans through a third party or only through a changed surname. The tense atmosphere when only some colleagues are informed can become stressful. Here the image of a stone falling from one's heart fits perfectly, when finally one can speak and no longer has to keep it secret. Whether it makes sense to work under such circumstances is something each person must weigh individually. Not least, an engagement ring is also a clear indication in the professional environment of an impending marriage. If it is noticed, unspoken words and resulting uncertainty hang in the air.
FAQ: Meaning of Engagement
