« Is the proposal before the proposal necessary and important, or is it outdated? »
When preparing a marriage proposal, many men wonder whether it is still appropriate today to ask the bride's father for his daughter's hand in marriage, or to ask the whole family. After this tradition fell out of favor for some time and was only practiced in families that placed great value on traditions, this custom has become fashionable again in a slightly modified form today. We show you what to keep in mind so that the bride's parents will gladly give you and your partner their blessing.
An Old Tradition
Less than a hundred years ago, it was almost unavoidable to ask the bride's father for his daughter's hand before proposing marriage. The groom would formally present himself to his beloved's father to ask for her hand. During this conversation, the bride's father would clarify whether the marriage candidate was able to provide for his daughter and future children financially and whether he met his expectations in terms of character. If any doubts arose, the bride's father would forbid the wedding. The couple could not marry or had to face considerable difficulties if they went against the bride's father's wishes.
After the tradition of "asking the bride's father" lost much of its significance for some time, today more and more men place value on the blessing of the bride's family. Marriage is a bond for life, sealed by the wedding ceremony. For this reason, it is of course important to ensure that the partner's family is in agreement with the engagement. However, since the couple today usually knows each other for a longer time and the families and friends are also known, the questioning by the bride's father that was customary in the past is no longer necessary. However, this does not mean that the man should appear unprepared for this all-important conversation. So before you as the proposer buy an engagement ring, think about the right moment, and consider the wording of your proposal, take time to consider whether you want to ask the bride's father. By the way: if the bride's father agrees and the wedding takes place, he traditionally takes on very important tasks at your celebration. He accompanies his daughter to the altar, gives the wedding speech at the reception, and dances a symbolic farewell dance with his daughter at the wedding.
The Most Important of All Conversations
Unlike in former times, today the bride's parents are asked for their daughter's hand, not just the bride's father. In the case of divorced parents, this may mean that the man has to ask for his partner's hand twice if a joint meeting is not possible. This important conversation should be prepared according to the occasion. Basically, the man should ask the bride's parents for a personal conversation. Even though much is done by phone or in writing today, it would be impolite and rude if he were to ask the bride's parents for their consent to the wedding via WhatsApp or email.
In some cultures, it is expected that the man not only speaks with the bride's parents but also involves grandparents and siblings. In this case, the first conversation often takes place on a small scale only with the bride's parents. Once they have given their consent, other family members can be asked for their consent in a further step. It is somewhat tricky in this case to keep the intention to marry secret from the partner for long enough. The more people who know about this wonderful news, the easier it can reach the partner. It is also important to remember that it is not pleasant for your beloved if her family has been informed about the marriage plans for a long time, but she herself has not yet been asked. Here, planning and coordination with the bride's family is appropriate.
Engagement Rings in All Styles
When and Where
To ask the bride's mother and father, the traditionally customary time is between 11 and 12 o'clock on a Sunday morning, or alternatively during coffee time between 3 and 4 o'clock on a Sunday afternoon. Of course, the man should dress appropriately for the occasion, so in a suit or trousers and jacket. He should also bring gifts for the bride's parents, such as a beautiful bouquet of flowers for his beloved's mother and a bottle of wine for her father. If you are unsure which gifts are appropriate for your future in-laws, you should take the time to find out rather than risk showing up at their door with unsuitable gifts.
What Should the Proposer Prepare For
Since the bride's parents usually already know their daughter's partner in most cases, questioning about the financial situation is often no longer necessary. However, this is different if the partner's parents have not yet met their future son-in-law. In this case, the man should be able to credibly explain how he envisions life with their daughter and possible children together in this regard. He should also allow more time for the conversation, as it cannot be expected that the parents of his partner will consent to the wedding after they have just seen their future son-in-law for the first time and know almost nothing about him.
It is important in any case that the man explains to his future in-laws why he wants to marry their daughter and how he envisions the marriage proposal. All parents want to be sure that their daughter will be happy. The man should keep this in mind. He should therefore definitely think in advance about how he will answer some of the frequently asked questions from the parents of his future wife: What does he feel for his partner? Why does he want to marry her specifically? Does he know her wishes and does he know what is important to her? All parents naturally expect that the man knows their daughter and knows how to make her happy.
Show That You Have Given It Thought
Information about the marriage proposal and the wedding can also be helpful because they show the bride's mother and father that their future son-in-law has given thought to their daughter. Show that you know your future wife well and that you put her well-being above everything else! A well-thought-out and carefully prepared marriage proposal that suits your partner will make it easy for her parents to agree to the engagement. Of course, you can also show them the engagement ring. In this case, however, make sure that not too many other people are present, as the bride should see the engagement ring before anyone else.
Whether you only ask the bride's father or involve the whole family is ultimately a decision you have to make yourself. In any case, the proposal before the proposal is a beautiful gesture.
